There’s a VEEERY interesting concept I came across a few years ago, which is at the basis of my success with women… or with anything else for that matter.
Grab yourself a cup of coffee because this article is extremely important and with deep consequences for your love life.
Today we’re taking a break from finding ways to get into women’s panties to take a trip deep down in our subconscious. We’re gonna talk about a concept called “flow”.
There is no clear definition of what flow is (or isn’t) but I’m willing to bet you’ve experienced it more than once in your life. Maybe several times. Flux is all about those moments where you’re in some sort of a productive euphoria, when no objective is too hard to reach.
To this day I can still remember back when I was really, really shy. The emotions I would feel when someone (not just girls) would talk to me are still alive and kicking inside me, even though it’s been years since I’m in full control of my self-esteem.
D’you know how many seconds would my self esteem last when someone would approach me about… anything? Half a second on average. The moment they started talking to me, they would be in full control of the conversation and, essentially, me.
The only time I felt in control was when I was alone… I had no exterior factor to burst my little bubble and I was happy.
Pathetic, right? Even though I was king of the hill when I was alone playing on my computer or listening to music, I knew I had a problem. The only thing was, I had no idea how to fix it.
I have a confession to make: I couldn’t care less about celebrities and popularity in general. In fact, I’m somewhat against it.
Whenever I meet someone who’s popular, I’m treating them like I would any other person (I’ll explain why in a moment), and they seem somewhat disturbed by this.
What? This guy sin’t giving me the power I deserve?
They seem intrigued and automatically recognize me as someone with AT LEAST as much power as they have. And this – you guessed it – automatically raises MY status.
David DeAngelo calls this “not giving your power away”.
And why should we? What have THEY done for me to deserve my full attention?
You see, whenever I meet someone (old or new acquaintance), they start from point zero. It doesn’t matter who they are. If we get along, I give them more attention as we start to become friends. If we don’t, I ignore them.
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
― Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience and Other Essays
Let me get one thing straight: in this life… ultimately… we are all alone.
Nobody really really really cares about us more than we do. And no one will lift more than a finger to help us. Sure, your friends and family are there for you when you need them…
but they can’t sacrifice their entire lives to get you to where you ultimately want to go.
They don’t owe you anything.
Your country doesn’t owe you anything.
You are all alone and no one’s gonna hear your cry for help.
More women? A better job? More money?
Stand in line, sir, we all want that. You’re not more special that the guy next to you.
I bet that right now you’re way in your comfort zone reading the. You’re probably saying to yourself you can conquer the world.
It’s easy to be tough when you’re behind a computer screen, isn’t it? You can imagine yourself to be anything you like. You can read up on your self-develop literature to give you that temporary self-confidence boost.
Guess what: that fake confidence only works when you’re all alone behind the 4 walls of your room. Once you get out there, into the real life, it all changes.
You start displaying your old behaviors. You fail. And then you come up with excuses.
After all, your ego needs protection, doesn’t it?
Let me tell you something: your ego needs a beating. It needs to get out of that stupid comfort zone and into the real world… where it’s every man for himself.
Are you a workaholic? Are you looking for every edge, every bit of information to make your life more productive and achieve more?
If so, you’ll be happy to learn that certain types of music can increase your productivity. In fact, there have been studies around this ever since the 70s.
This one study, for instance, shows that “music engages the areas of the brain involved with paying attention, making predictions and updating the event in memory”.
Similar studies have came to similar conclusions, some of them pertaining to baroque music ( http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090423132615.htm ).
Truth be told, I love baroque music and whenever I listen to it, I find myself succumbed in work, losing track of time and just being in a state of flow that I would otherwise never achieve by listening to regular music such as pop or dance.
You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.
We all have them: problems, problems, problems. No friends, no money, no girlfriend, no nothing. Most people sit and whine and complain for years without doing anything.
The know they can. In fact, when they look back into heir life, it’s dead easy for them to see what they SHOULD have done.
I should have gone back to school.
I should have went to that girl and gotten her digits.
I should have quit my job years ago and started my own business.
But ya know what the funny thing is? Even though they can do this RIGHT NOW, they still don’t. It’s mind boggling yet true.
You know how you grow up looking up to successful people and trying to imagine what they are like and how they think?
Well, once you start meeting them, one by one, your imagination starts having a boxing match with reality. You start seeing them for what they really are.
One trait that is without a doubt present in all of them is… selfishness. Well, they’re not being selfish in the classic meaning of the word. They’re actually very nice people. But they’re so eager to gain as many benefits as they can from each and every situation and interaction… it’s just crazy.
I came to the realization that this is one of the keys to success. To stop wasting time, to stop letting other people waste your time and make the most out of the little time you have on Earth.
Look, there’s not real way around that. You can’t avoid the bad reaction someone’s going to have when you’re giving them a bad news. The only thing you can do is to alleviate the moment you’re telling them.
So how do you do that?
Well, you cant just yell it out, that’s for sure.
If, however, you’re afraid to do it, it’s probably best to let someone else do it.
But if you HAVE to do it yourself, let’s see some of the best ways to do it.
First, you need to keep in mind the condition of that person. If they’re old or if they have a heart problem, you should be extra careful.
One thing is clear: you need to choose your words very VERy carefully when you’re giving a bad news. Pretty much like courtiers did when they had to give bad news to the kings they served.
Let’s face it. If you want to get to a high level with just about anything, you can’t listen to all the cr@p anyone is telling you. Listening to an average person will get you to be… average.
Social conditioning has been around since the dawn of mankind but so was leadership. On the one hand you had the fearless leader who did what he though was best. On the other, the mob who’d follow orders and care a little too much on what the next person had to say.
Not giving a cr@p is a good thing… if used wisely. You don’t want to completely ignore others’ feedback yet, you don’t want to listen to what every smurf has to say.
So where do you draw the line? How do you know when it’s ok to do what others advise you and when should you just dive in and follow your heart?