To this day I can still remember back when I was really, really shy. The emotions I would feel when someone (not just girls) would talk to me are still alive and kicking inside me, even though it’s been years since I’m in full control of my self-esteem.
D’you know how many seconds would my self esteem last when someone would approach me about… anything? Half a second on average. The moment they started talking to me, they would be in full control of the conversation and, essentially, me.
The only time I felt in control was when I was alone… I had no exterior factor to burst my little bubble and I was happy.
Pathetic, right? Even though I was king of the hill when I was alone playing on my computer or listening to music, I knew I had a problem. The only thing was, I had no idea how to fix it.
As it turns out, it took years to do that. Yep, I’m not lying. I know that’s a long time, but keep in mind I didn’t go to a shrink or anything. It was all due to pick-up.
How did I do it? Well, in a way I wouldn’t recommend you: the slow, cumbersome way. And that’s not something you would want, right?
If I were to turn back he clock 10 years, I would know EXACTLY what to do. And that’s what I want to talk with YOU about: how to get your self esteem to NEVER EVER drop, regardless of what happens.
To be like me, where most of the things that happen don’t affect me.
A guy tries to start a fight with me: I’m cool, even smiling.
My grandma died? I felt really bad but I knew life goes on.
A chick of whom I thought she was the relationship-type turns out she’s a slut/party girl? Who cares, there are plenty others…
My self-esteem is IRONCLAD and I know how I can get yours to be the same, no matter what happens.
As you probably guessed, most of the work has to be done before you’re actually put in a challenging situation. Just like a Navy SEAL trains for war, you have to do the same. Because it’s war out there, make no mistake about it. Social war.
OK, here’s the thing. No amount of exercises can increase your self esteem. It’s not the exercise that will get you to where you want. It’s… are you ready?
It’s the things you’ve got going for you.
Think about it. The reason you feel lonely, depressed and frustrated is because you feel your value is low.
Why? Because you want things you don’t have. Girls, a car, respect, your own place – you name it.
Not having those things causes that self-esteem drop whenever you meet someone who you perceive as higher value.
Sure, you can fake it but, from my experience, you won’t make it.
You have to start working towards your goals, towards getting the things you want.
I know, one of the things you want is a girl in your life. And I encourage you to approach any hottie out there like a hunter. That’s how you get good.
But there are other things, little things that you may want and which WILL raise your self esteem. And that increase will be genuine.
Increased self-esteem will cause you to get even more things, which will increase your self-esteem even more. Get it? It’s a vicious circle.
Now you know why good-looking people have high-levels of self esteem. Because they were lucky enough to HAVE something each and every day (i.e. their looks) which caused them to feel valuable which raised their self esteem levels, which, in turn, caused them to want more and more things.
So. Make a list with all the things you WANT. No, not a new video game console, that doesn’t count. Things you want that will also increase your self-esteem.
Things such as… having cooler friends, making more money, travelling, going out more.
Me, personally, I stated with the last one. I started going out more (clubs, playing pool or just for coffee) and I could see myself fitting in more. Then I started going out A LOT more (at least 4 times a week) and I could literally see my self-esteem growing from week-to-week.
Then it all started to make sense to me. And it was just the beginning.
As a programmer, I was making quite some money. So I started buying all those things, like a cooler phone… and, although material things won’t raise your self-esteem that much, they do count.
This self-esteem increase caused me to feel a lot more confident when talking to people. I would feel less nervous, I had a stronger voice and a better posture. Sure, I knew about body language and all those things, but having stuff going for me was what made all that theory WORK.
So. Now it’s your turn. What are some of the things YOU can do or have or get in your life that will cause you to see yourself as more valuable? Make a list and, remember, every little thing counts.